“Have you ever been hospitalized over night for anything?”, the allergist asked. I paused and told him about my appendectomy. “What about for anything else?” he asked. And I responded “No.”

I hate lying. But I didn’t want to open that unrelated can of worms about my three past psychiatric hospitalizations. I am forthcoming about the big picture existence of my mood and anxiety symptoms and any medications I am on. Any doctor I see knows I have anxiety issues, but it’s hard to trust everyone with specifics. With the rise of electronic medical records I get anxious about disclosing more information to be documented in a record system I have less control over. The anxiety a little question like this causes is one of the many ripple effects of my Involuntary Leave Saga. I need to control access to my information in order to keep myself from being vulnerable to misuse by fumbling but maybe well-meaning health care providers.

I have had a rough few weeks. My therapist (still number #29 Mr. sarcastic anonymous commenter) has vanished for the past 3 weeks. He is sick. The absence was unplanned. I have no idea what is wrong or even for certain if he will return next week. I can generate possible worst case situations of what happened faster than I can type them. I was in a downward mood slope before he got sick and have continued to be below my baseline. I am worried about him and feel simultaneously guilty for the truck-load of problems I have been collecting to dump onto him. How can I go in and unleash all that when his past 3 weeks have clearly been much worse?