Grades Obsession

I need to get out of this mindset where I think an A- is a bad grade.
I wasn’t like this before.
My first semester of college I got a mix of As and Bs and I felt quite good.
My second semester I got all As I was thrilled.
My third semester, again I got all As.
By my 4th semester I was thinking ‘wow It’d be neat if I kept this all As thing going, and again all As
Now it’s my 5th semester. It’s no longer just an neat thing, I feel I have to do it.

Right now my GPA is being pulled down by an A- (the Bs from that first semester transferred to my new school and don’t factor into GPA).
This pattern started because I was enjoying classes and putting a lot of time into them as a result. Now this pressure is destroying my ability to enjoy the learning.

I just want so badly to watch my GPA to creep up closer to a 4.0, undoing the damage of the A-. I want to discover if there’s a point where a 3.99999999 can be rounded up to a pretty 4.0. How many decimal places are needed?

I need to keep telling myself ‘You don’t have to go to an Ivy League school for grad school.’
I’m not even sure the particular Ivy league school I’m thinking of has the type of program I want.
I guess as long as I get into grad school it’s okay?
No. I need my little bit of elitism. As long as it’s not a state school (No. <3 you Emi. Do you even read this? We can go to state school together. Future Alumni of Generic State School ftw?)

I’ve had a series of academic disappointments this week. When school is your life that makes them bigger
-The student I tutor got a D+ on her test. Which makes me feel awful, since it’s my job to try to keep that from happening. We’re going over it tomorrow to see what happened. I feel really bad, especially because I though she had a good sense of the material.
-I didn’t get into a really interesting class I wanted to take.
-I got an A- on a paper. I realize that isn’t awful. I just can’t consider it good. I lost some points because I didn’t italicize the volume number in my APA citation. It’s worse when it’s something that preventable.
-I had two peer writing workshops that were useless. I’d been looking forward to them, because I’m excited about my paper and wanted feedback. I don’t feel like my classmates took it seriously. The only constructive criticism was spotting a few typos. Rip my paper to shreds please? I can handle it I promise. As long as it’s not a bad grade, I’ll find it helpful.

I hate that I’ve become one of ‘those people’. I wasn’t one of them in high school. They say if you graduate high school without doing drugs it’s unlikely you’ll start after. I guess the same doesn’t apply to being obsessed with grades.